It's like I don't even know her any more.

I'm in Texas and don't feel like uploading the hundreds of pictures I've taken to my in-laws' computer, so this will be a brief, texty post (it's really just for my sister, who told me she's tired of looking at Lisa Rinna's face every time she logs on to check the blog).

Looking at Ruby, you wouldn't necessarily notice anything different from a few weeks ago, but all of a sudden we seem to have jumped (leapt? hurdled? supersonically flown?) into a new developmental stage: independence. Better known as "Step off bitch, I can do it my damn self!"

Case in point: Friday at Target (yes, we're masochistic idiots, but we needed diapers and a sleep mask, so what are you gonna do?), she didn't want to ride in the cart, she didn't want to walk and hold hands, she didn't want to be carried; she only wanted to run as fast as she could in any direction that we were not going. So my mother-in-law tried to distract her into following us by letting her pull a Thomas the Train mini traveling suitcase. Except that all she wanted to do was PUSH said suitcase -- right into every incoming shopper. I think it was on accident, but maybe not? I kept trying to show her how to pull it so she'd have a little more control, but on my third, "Ruby my love, let's do it this way," girlfriend LOST it. Cue first official temper tantrum. She started WAILING like a siren, sat down in the middle of the aisle (ON BLACK FRIDAY, so we didn't exactly have the store to ourselves), started kicking her feet, and screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Honest to god, it was one of the most awesome things I've ever seen in my entire life.

Wade and I were biting our lips not to laugh, because it was so hysterical. I can see where time number 4 or 14 or 44 will not be as hysterical, and probably time number 1 with child number 2 will not likely be as funny. But this time, I just wanted to be a scrapbooking kind of gal, so I could scrapbook this moment.

The rest of the personality transplant is just as amusing, though less dramatic. There just seems to be a lot more toddler behavior in the last week or two: A lot of babbling and sing-song gibberish. A TON of energy (which is all well and good in our in-laws' multi-acreage yard, probably will not be as well and good in our 50 square foot patio), most of which seems to manifest itself in doing in the "Maniac" dance from "Flashdance": lots of running in place and spinning in circles til she falls down chuckling.

Watching her grow up is so insanely fun. I kind of want another both right away and never at the same time.

Flow it, show it.

Cougar + Teen idol
- Ron Weasley ˟ Hill-Hill ÷ + .005
= My new hair cut

I know it's been almost two months, and I know I'm still talking about it/just getting around to posting about it. I've even had it trimmed since I first cut it, that's how far we've come. But as I am a complete narcissist, and because I talked about it incessantly when it happened, I felt it needed to be acknowledged. So: I got my hair cut.

When I first got it done, it looked like an odd combination of all of the above. A little bit teenage boy, a little bit stereotypical lesbian, a little bit aging female politician. Hawt.

About two days after I got it cut, I was at work, walking across campus, when I realized that they were filming something across from my building. And because even though I'm from LA originally and have now lived here for two years, I am still a total geek about "the industry," I cross the street, heading towards someone with a clipboard, wanting to ask them what they were filming. Just as I'm getting to him, someone yells "Action!" and the guy with the clipboard sees me approaching and tells me "We're filming right now, ma'am." Oh, whoops. My bad.

So I start crossing back in the other direction, sort of catty-corner now, when an extra stage-whispers to me, "No! Just act normal!" Uh... OK, so then I cross back in the other direction. Awesome.

My point is this: next time you're watching TV or a movie (I think they were filming an episode of "Life," but I'm not sure), and you see Lisa Rinna (Fish Lips up there in that first picture) cross the street in a blue shirt, then pause and turn, then start walking in another direction -- except now you're pretty sure that's Zac Efron in that blue shirt! -- then freeze in the middle of the street and look totally confused, then turn and walk back in another direction -- but now from that angle is it Ellen Degeneres...?!?

Naw, that's just me and my new hair.

So now what?

Last week, I was on. I mean, I was practically vibrating with energy -- especially a week ago tonight. The voltage I was throwing off could have run the entire power grid for West LA for a week. Ideas were flowing, things were getting done... I was ON FI-YAH!

Cut to today. Sigh. All out of fi-yah.

I pondered it all day. Shouldn't I be happy? I mean, I waited eight years for this. Shouldn't I just be beaming for the next four (or eight) years? But I figured it out: after months of wait-and-see, wait-and-see, wait-and-see, I'm suffering from a lack of anticipation. All that wondering "what's going to happen next?" generated quite a lot of momentum. And then things were over, and then everything went putt putt puuuuuttt.... (that's the sound of an old car rolling to a stop and dying -- obviously). Here's what had me all revved up that's now in the past tense:

• The ELECTION TO END ALL ELECTIONS: Over.
• I was on a game show a few weeks ago. (I didn't tell you about it before, but there it is. I can't tell you the results, but I was sort of awesome -- emphasis on sort of and emphasis on awesome. It was really fun, and when I know when it will be on, I'll post it here.)
• I finished the Twilight series about a week or two ago (and if you judge me, I'll come and make you read the books so that a little bit of your brain -- and your heart -- melts too).
• My best friend had her baby on November 5. All that wait for little Alexander and now he's here!

All such fun, important (YES, Twilight is important) things. Oh, but I still have some things to look forward to!

• My sister leaves Monday for Africa for eight months.
• The five-year anniversary of my dad's death is next Friday.

Hmmm. Not quite as festive, those.

Oh I know, Thanksgiving is coming up, and so is Christmas, and yay and food and presents and fun... but I've had Thanksgiving and Christmas before, you know? Don't get me wrong -- I'm totally looking forward to the holidays and to spending time with family, but it's not like I don't know how they're going to go. Oh whatever will we have for Thanksgiving dinner? I shall perish a bit each day waiting to find out! (Nice, after railing for months against complacency and taking things for granted, I've apparently switched teams. I'm out of the closet. Ten bucks says there will be a California ballot initiative against my kind in 2010.)

It's interesting. I wouldn't have thought that I'd miss all that nervous energy, but I do think, in retrospect, that anticipation gets your brain moving in new ways. Like, since you're constantly creating all these hypotheticals, maybe you're more open to new ideas and thought-pathways in areas unrelated to events you're anticipating. So, for now at least, we're in a little bit of a new thought-pathway lull.

Anyways, as usual, I'm bitching about such embarrassingly trivial and stupid things. Oh well. I am an embarrassing trivial and stupid bitch, so what are you going to do?

November 5.

Dear Ruby,

I meant to write you a letter on your first birthday, offering you all kinds of advice -- things I've learned, mistakes I've made (which you're welcome to make on your own, but why not learn from me?), how you should expect to be treated by people, reminding you that there is no limit to what you can achieve in this world if you work hard and take nothing for granted, how even when things look pretty bleak all around you, you have to have hope... but then I didn't get around to it in time.

So how 'bout if I bring it up today? November 5, 2008 seems like as good a time as any for those kinds of sentiments.

Because yesterday, something big happened, Ruby. Something really, really, REALLY big. Something that made people all over the country -- and the world -- cheer and cry tears of joy. Our nation said that, in a time of war and economic crisis, it was time to vote in a 47-year-old, Democratic, African-American, first-term senator named Barack Hussein Obama as our next President. How crazy is that?!

He ran against an astonishingly accomplished man -- an actual, honest-to-god hero. Those don't come around too often anymore. This man would have done a fine job. We would've been in good hands with this man as president.

But people all over the country stood in line for hours because they thought that Obama would do better. That he was what we needed right now. That he was worth giving our time and money to do whatever we could to help him get into office -- which is why I, your mom who at my most passionate about a presidential candidate spent $5 for a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker, phone-banked, wrote postcards, donated, wore my t-shirts, and spoke to strangers about why our country needed this person in office. Do you know what he said about his volunteers last night? "[They] proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth." Ruby, I have never felt more proud and patriotic in my entire life. For the first time ever, I truly felt like I belonged to America and America belonged to me.

And last night, even though it was already looking like it was going to happen, when all the television channels said the words "The next president of the United States will be Barack Obama," I cheered and cried tears of joy (you may have heard me; sorry if I woke you up).

We -- President Elect Obama and all of us -- still have a lot of work to do. He reminded us last night that these are very hard times, and we have sacrifices to make. But I'm excited. I'm excited to get to work and face our challenges and make those sacrifices. And doesn't that say a lot about a leader -- that he can get people excited to do hard things?

So Ruby, I hope that you'll remember this. Not the election night, obviously, but until you're at least 5 1/2 (and hopefully 9 1/2), you'll grow up seeing this man in the White House, on TV, and in the paper. You'll never think twice about whether or not a black person could be president -- of course they could, because they did! And if you're already making that assumption, it'll be even easier for you to make the assumption that a person who is Jewish or female or Asian or Muslim or homosexual or disabled or "other" in any way can be president too. That if you are very smart, if you are bold, if you are nice to people, if you are respectful of people unlike yourself, if you are open-minded and kind, if you surround yourself with people who challenge and inspire and teach you, and if you work very, very hard...

Then, yes you can accomplish anything.

I love you, and I am so excited for you to grow up in this world.

Mama

DO IT!

I don't care who you vote for (that's a lie actually, I totally care, but whatever), just go out there and get it done! Yay for civic engagement!!!