No
bloggie for Mommy lately. Last week I fought off a sore throat, which finally took me down on Friday. I even called in sick -- thus cutting my two-day work week in half. This week, the relatives trickle in for Family Turkey Fest 2007!
(tm) wherein (nearly) all the people in the world who love Ruby (and us to a much lesser degree) will be in one city to overeat and get drowsy.
The getting drowsy part will be no big thing for me as I have been tired to the nth degree lately. Rubes is weaned off her nighttime feedings and should be sleeping through the night, but she randomly puts on her
crankypants at 4:00 a.m. every damn morning. When she does, I
scream silently change her diaper because... Why not? Could be she's bothered by her wet diaper. Could be she had a bad dream, if babies dream. Could be she's cold. Could be she's a baby and they are strange, unpredictable creatures who may happen to fuss two nights in a row and then get themselves in a pattern and continue screaming every night at 4 a.m. just because. Though, I must admit that not so deep down I kind of
lurve her the most at 4 a.m. To go back to sleep, we snuggle and I sing to her and play with her hair. It's the best. I literally sighed thinking about it right now. I only wish we could do it when the sun is out.
I've been in a bit of a limbo-y funk lately, and I'll just go ahead and blame that on the
aforementioned sleep deprivation. I think it's actually a combination of the SD; the way that the anniversary of my dad's death has -- as usual --
snuck up on me (it's tomorrow, 11/20--
yay); the impending holidays and the management of all family members' expectations around that, especially as we're now the cool kids in town with a bright, shiny, baby-shaped toy; the two-day-a-week work schedule that's taking a little bit of getting used to (weird, why?), a to-do-list that threatens to eat LA... and that's pretty much it. Mostly the part about being tired though.
Y'know, it's funny. I'm pretty sure from the outside that my life looks nice and together. Hubs, baby, dog, cat, job(
ishness)... So there must be something desperately wrong with me that said life constantly feels like it's in a shambles and I'm barely holding it together with old Scotch tape. Maybe after the holidays, I'll settle into a routine. I think W and I just impart too much change on ourselves, so we constantly feel like we're getting used to something. For example, we just decided we're going to stay in our current house for the next two or three years (we've been in it one already). Do you know how good that feels? Growing up, my family moved about once every two years, sometimes once a year, until we hit Kansas where my parents took off their running shoes and settled in for a while. I lived in that house five years -- the longest time I've ever lived in one place. Since then, I've put on my own running shoes and state-hopped around the US, usually living in places for only one year at a time. The decision to live in one home for (gasp!) three years sounds like crazy talk. Blissful, sweet crazy talk.
So I don't know. As usual, I'm just using the
webbynet as a forum in which to vomit only partially-digested thoughts up to a nebulous audience of friends, family,
acquaintances, strangers (?) and for what purpose? Because I'm too lazy to keep a personal journal? Because I'm an attention hound? Because I'm avoiding real work? For
reals, probably all of the above.
I
hearby solemnly swear to get my thankful on by Thursday though. I will endeavor to look at my life from the outside perspective. If I were not me but a stranger and reading this, I'd tell myself, "Suck it up, cupcake. You have a good life. Now go enjoy it." Sigh. Fine other, outside-perspective me. I will. Jeez, you're so
mean.Labels: Fam, random, Ruby
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